Cliche: Fact or fiction?
by Dark Wyvern
Summary: A desprate attempt to slaughter cliches, okay? And using the Zelda characters to help!


"LINE UP YOU DORKS

"LINE UP YOU DORKS!!! WE'RE DOING ANOTHER SKIT!!!"

Much moaning is heard as Black Dragon barks out orders. Knowing she would force them to do her bidding if she has to, the Legend of Zelda cast lines up.

Black smiles. White Dragon is wearing a lab coat. She walks up to Gannondorf and clicks her tongue. "Back to make-up and costume. Tell Makeup I want your face to be pale and with big bags under your eyes, and tell Costume we need tattered armor, darn it! Now shoo, shoo!"

__

I don't want to know, I don't want to know… Gannondorf thinks, and hurries away.

"I guess you all want to know what's going on, right?" Black asks cheerfully.

"No," was the unanimous reply.

"Well, isn't that too darn bad. You're gonna know anyway. Here's your script." Black hands out scripts labeled in bold printing, 'The Legend of Zelda #2,582,395,872,982,369,843,968,743,958,723; The Return of Gannondorf.'

"Now we're Final Fantasy, huh?" Link asks sorely. "Why is it called _Final_ Fantasy if there are eleven of them?"

"PLACES!!!" Black screams as Gannondorf shows up. Most of his skin was showing through his tattered armor, but not enough to be obscene… Oh shoot! I just gave away a lot! Link's eyes bulge out of his head.

Black grins. "Do you know how cliché most video games are?"

"No…" all whine.

Black rolls her eyes. "For example, cliché:"

__

Link tosses in his bed. He is a child, barely thirteen, and he is dreaming, a prophetic dream.

It is a dark and stormy night. A jagged bolt of lightning tears across the sky. The sky suddenly turns darker. The door to the Temple if Time opens.

A lone figure, covered in shadows, walks out. Torrents of rain begin falling. Before him, his sword trails the ground, making a sharp grating noise. The man's clothes are tattered, barely clinging to his muscular body, as if from fighting for a very long time. His body is covered in blood, both fresh and dried.

A bolt of lightning illuminates the sky, revealing the figure. Gannondorf's bloodshot eyes fill with rage and he whispers, "I will make you pay, Link!"

Link wakes up. Mido, who now accepted him because of Princess Zelda's order, is knocking at his door with a scared expression on his face. "Link, you've got to come quickly!"

Link runs down. Impa is riding in slowly on her horse. The horse walks a few more paces, and Impa falls. Link rushes to her side and lifts up her head so she can breathe.

She coughs. "Link… Listen well to my words… Gannondorf… the King of Evil… has broken out of… the Evil Realm…" She touches his face gently. "You will… have to beat him… yourself… this time… He has murdered… Zelda and… the Sages… for helping you… defeat him… and seal him… away…"

Gannondorf appears suddenly. While his clothes are still tattered, he projects the image of the arrogant king he once was. "Well, well, well. So she managed to make it here after all. No matter."

He leaps forward and buries his sword in her chest. She screams and dies.

Link is inconsolable. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I SWEAR, GANNONODRF, I WILL MAKE YOU PAY!!!"

The King of Evil laughs cruelly and flies off. His laughter is head long after he himself is gone.

"I don't like that scene," Impa says.

"It's depressing," Link agrees.

"I DIE!!" Zelda squeals.

"Well, so do I!" Impa, Rarau, Darunia, Naboruu, Ruto and Saria say. "We _all_ die, Princess! Now shut up!" She looks annoyed.

"I kinda like that," Gannondorf says. "EXCEPT FOR THE SLIGHT MATTER OF MY CLOTHES!!!" He grasps both Dragons by the neck and attempts to strangle them. "WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, MAKE ME A SEX SYMBOL?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"No!" the Dragons say with a grin.

Black somehow manages to kick him in the groin. He groans and doubles over in pain. "Now then, not cliché:"

__

Link is tossing in his bed. He is a child, barely thirteen, and he is dreaming a prophetic dream.

It is a bright and sunny day. A lone figure, trying to encase himself in shadows for the sake of climax steps out of the Temple of Time. He finally gives up.

A cloud moves away from the sun and we see the Gannondorf in full detail. He is wearing khaki's and a Billibong shirt.

A bright ray of sunlight shines on his face and he covers his eyes. His amber eyes fill with annoyance at having left his sunglasses in the Evil Realm and he asks, "Well, what did you expect?"

Link wakes up. Mido kicks him in the stomach and yells, "WAKE UP!!!"

"WHOWHATWHERE?!?!?!?!?!_" Link demands._

"Someone's waiting for you!" Mido says, a hint of whine in his voice.

Impa rides on her horse. The horse nearly runs over a Kokiri kid and rears. Impa falls off and bangs her head on a stone. Link lifts up her head. "You okay?" he asks.

"Besides the fact that I just SMACKED MY HEAD AGAINST A ROCK, yes!" she says cheerfully.

"Is there something you need to tell me?" Link demands, knowing she just spoiled all the climax.

"Yeah! Gannondorf just broke out of the Evil Realm. You'll have to defeat him yourself because he… sent Zelda and the other Sages to… THE BAHAMAS!!!" Fake shudder.

Link face-faults. "Why didn't he send you?"

"Because, Link, we're…"

Gannondorf comes running up. "Impa, my darling, I knew you would never leave me!" He picks her up and kisses her. "When do you want to get married?"

"Whenever's good for you, Ganny-chan!" She looks solemnly at Link. "Link, Gannondorf and I are engaged!"

Link dies from the shock.

Meanwhile, somewhere off the coast of some island…

"You know, it was thoughtful of Gannondorf to buy us these cruise tickets, don't you think?" Zelda asks.

"Without a doubt!" Darunia says.

Meanwhile, Ruto is dolphin-leaping in the water beside the boat. Saria laughs and throws a fish to her.

"I like that ending even less!" Link yells. "I die of _shock_?!?!?!?!" 

The Dragons nod cheerfully. "That's right Linky-boy!"

"We like it!" all the Sages except Impa say.

"I HATE IT!!!" Impa yells. "YOU MARRIED ME TO… _GANNONDORK?!?!?!?!_"

Gannondorf grins. "Cool. Well, I like the outfit, but the plot is stupid…" 

He is suddenly face down in the mud. "SAY THAT AGAIN!!!" the Dragons yell. "DON'T YOU DARE INSULT US!!!"

Black has her sword against his neck. "Say. It. Again."

"The plot was really good?" Gannondorf asks.

Black lets up. "That's better," she says huffily. He gets back up.

"Temper, temper…"

He ends up facedown in the mud again, with Black sitting on his back, her knees digging into his elbows and pressing his face into the mud so he can't breathe. "I get enough shit over my drawings at school! [A/N: ^_^;;;;; oops, I just broke something… Now my fic will have be PG…] I don't need my own characters ridiculing my work!!!"

"Mmrph!"

"Okay… I'll let you up." She stands, towering over him in annoyance. "How, pray tell, did we manage to find mud in a nice clean _indoor_ place like this?"

Much shrugging is seen.

"Now then," she continues, "you see the difference between cliché and not cliché? And you will see how most fanfic authors will chose cliché over non-cliché. I'm not saying that's bad, it's just… cliché."

Sarcastic laughter is heard. Black shoots everyone a nasty look.


End file.
